all that you leave behind...

It has been a while since my last post. In fact there has been a month since my last post...Although I was very motivated right after returning from my Tibet trip to write a series of posts about it for many reasons I failed to do so meanwhile. Also added is me being aware of how few people actually follow and read my posts, so frankly I feel very discouraged and definitely not very much motivated to write more or more frequently...

Actually, there are more reasons for this blog silence (apart from the discouraging lack of readers and support)...

Meanwhile throughout the whole of August I was extremely busy with shipping, posting, packing...IT IS NOT EASY to pack and leave after 8 years. The amount of books and stuff (especially books) that I realised that I have managed to accumulate made me feel nauseous of buying books for a while. I send most of the things (books) back home to Europe. I send some daily necessities, cosmetics and clothes to Japan. (As I believe most of you know, my next destination from October is Kyoto.)

The cargo will arrive here (back home) after I have left for Japan. I am currently trying to make my mother physiologically prepared for the amount of boxes which will arrive...Unpacking will be who knows when and where...

I send the things to Japan to an address which I know to be my dormitory. Perhaps I am the only person who has ever asked the postal service to send the packages slower (!) since I am afraid that even though I have used the slowest possible (land/sea) mail perhaps my packages will arrive before me.

As of a few days ago, I know that I will be travelling on the 1st of October and will arrive in Osaka on the 2nd of Oct. Luckily there is a pick-up service that will take me on the same day to Kyoto directly to my dorm.

My (Japanese language) classes are scheduled to begin on the 9th of October.

Meanwhile, it has been 11 days since I am back home in Europe. Ever since my arrival I was very busy since the very first day and the first week since my arrival I was busy mainly with organising and doing arrangements for my pending stay in Japan. Issued a new passport(my old one expires soon), went to the Japanese embassy a couple of times for the visa (I have a 2 year visa now) and other formalities. Meanwhile been corresponding with my academic advisor and the international student's office in Kyoto University about formalities and arrangements, etc. So I haven't had chance to rest much. And after the very exhausting last few weeks I do need to rest and relax...I had the intention and wish to make a photo exhibition with my photos from Tibet. I had the films developed in Beijing, but made the paper prints here. It took me 3 days and I printed out most photos in size 13x18 in order to see them and decide. I selected some 50 prints that are good and can make a good exhibition, but as of yesterday I don't believe that the exhibition can happen. Main reason is financial, but also the lack of time to properly make a good organisation and also lack of support and motivation...For now it looks that I will just end up showing the pictures to my friends.
But another main reason why making an exhibition now is not a great idea is my need to have a rest. If I do make the exhibition happen now will mean that I will have absolutely no time to take a break and go somewhere...I feel very exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I have too many things on my mind right now...

The last few weeks in China were very hard. Mainly because of physical exhaustion (the packing and sending of all of my things, working to make the money to pay for it and for two weeks going to a seminar lecture in Buddhism) my last month in China and Beijing was incredibly tense and exhausting...

Emotionally it was very hard too. I left many things undone. Things that were actually in my control to do and I failed to organise myself. But also many things that are beyond my control were also left undone. Going to Japan is maybe not such a great idea. It is too close to China and it will be hard for me to put some things behind...

And as it has been my established "custom" for the past 4 years I cried on the Beijing airport. I hope these will be my last tears of sadness and bitter helplessness on Chinese soil. Ever!

Hm. This didn't turn out as a very cheerful post...But that's how things are...
These days there are good things happening too though. Being home, seeing friends, spending time with my mum, my cat (which is now at the incredible age of (at least) 18 years old! but looks quite healthy and well)...Actually being home feels cozy and relaxing...